


Lost

by red_scorch



Category: Code Vein (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, POV Second Person, beginnings of louis/protag if you squint, good end spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29511498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_scorch/pseuds/red_scorch
Summary: In which the pain of your loss is keen.
Relationships: Louis & Protagonist (Code Vein)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Louis has effectively single-handedly gotten me into this fandom. Thank you Sorin for giving me feedback!  
> You can find me at @red_scorch on Twitter!

If the church wasn't lively before, it certainly was now. After being freed from their roles, each successor found their home with the rest of you in that old, crumbling building. It was… nice. This was their first full day at the base, alive and awake and placed within their old bodies again—and you thought this was the most excitement and happiness to ever take place in the church prior to The Great Collapse. Everyone was in such high spirits and practically celebrating. Well, you supposed they were, considering Yakumo broke out the brandy and sake. You all deserve a celebration after everything, after all. 

More than that, you’re happy for them. Really. It’s just…

Your heart clenches as you look over at Io’s living space—or, what used to be, anyway. The bed and her belongings are still there: the pendant you got from the trader at the outer crossroads is pinned to the wall, and the curious novelty you found amongst the twists and turns of the cathedral and the book Louis gave her within your first week of living at the base, both sitting neatly to one end of the bed. The candles that are normally lit when she takes her rest are snuffed out. They’ve been dark for some time. Mia made up the bed earlier in the morning with your permission. Despite the feeling of wrongness, you couldn’t find a reason to say no.

You feel a phantom warmth on your arm.  _ “And now… goodbye.” _

Breath leaving you in a quiet wheeze, you squeeze your eyes shut. Nicola and Mia's laughing meets your ears with Yakumo and Emily's raised voices just below theirs. You know Louis is sitting with Karen and Aurora, and that Jack and Eva are side by side, as always.

But who do you have?

Almost everyone has gained a part of their family back, or has kept them safe, while you’ve lost perhaps your best friend. Your throat tightens and you force the mist in your eyes back. A selfish part of you says, quietly, that it isn't  _ fair _ . You’ve already lost so much of yourself, why did you have to lose Io too?

The distance between you and everyone else feels cold and vast.

“Hey,” a soft voice reaches out, so sudden and close it makes you startle. Whipping around reveals Louis, who looks just as surprised as you. He laughs, bashful. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

Settling backwards into the couch again, you shake your head. "It's fine."

He gives a gentle smile before nodding his head towards the couch. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

You look at him for a moment, then slowly drag your gaze to look behind him. Karen is looking back, but before you can feel embarrassed, she smiles at you and swiftly turns away to converse with Aurora. "What about your sister?" You ask.

"Karen and I have all the time in the world to talk again, thanks to you." The gratitude and warmth are obvious in his voice. "Besides, I think she'd appreciate some time for just her and Aurora to speak."

This is true; it was evident from the Successor of the Throat's vestiges that more than just friendship ran deep between them. ...You know you won't be the best company right now, but the thought of turning Louis away feels worse. You nod, scooting over so you're not taking up the exact middle of the couch. Instead of sitting to one end like you though he would, Louis sits just a hand’s length away.

It's quiet for a long moment between the both of you. It would feel awkward, maybe, if it were anyone else. With Louis though, you don’t feel rushed to say anything. It’s comfortable despite the heaviness in your chest.

“How are you doing?” 

The words come gentle, hushed, and your throat seizes up. Suddenly everything feels like it's too much—too close, too loud, too stifling. The only thing you manage is a flat, “fine.”

You feel Louis looking at you. He sighs. “I’m sorry, that was an awful question. Do you—that is, I’m here to listen, if you would like an ear.”

You don't want to talk about this. Not right now. Not with everyone in such high spirits, and you don't want to drag Louis down with your mood. You grip your knees, hard, then you're shaking your head and shooting up from the couch. Louis calls your name, soft and surprised and worried. If anyone watches you as you stalk your way out, you don't know of it, having your head ducked to hide the shine in your eyes.

It's mercifully quiet outside at the hot springs. No laughing or conversation or wordless buzzing or the clink of glasses. You don't feel as contained. The sun is sitting low in the sky, staining the sky and water alike in hues of orange and the broken stained glass in the ruins is colored beautifully. It's nice. You realize distantly you're shaking.

It’s not  _ fair. _

You force yourself to take deep breaths, and as the minutes pass, it’s the most calm you’ve felt in hours. Your name is called again, cautious this time, and you straighten your back at the sound of it. After a second, you force yourself to turn in place; just enough you can turn your head to meet Louis’ gaze as he draws closer without straining. However, you immediately look away and down at the red designs of his vest, embarrassed and rattled.

Louis comes close and you can feel him searching your face. “Please, tell me what I can do to help.”

You don’t want to bother him with this. You take a moment to collect yourself a little better, then you give him the best unaffected face you can. "Don’t worry about it, I'll be fine. Go back in to the others."

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to leave you out here hurting. I know Io wouldn’t either.”

Your mouth clamps shut; what a dirty trick. It does it’s job, though, and you turn away to look out across the water. “...It just… feels wrong.” The words already burn and you want to stop. “I wonder if I should have stopped her. I know she’s the reason we have a supply of blood beads again, but…”

Louis shifts closer. “I know this may not be the best of comforts, but she wanted to take on the relics. Her desire to spare you and help everyone drove her decision. Of course… I can’t help but feel guilty myself.” When you turn to look at him, he continues, “I did say before that the time for sacrifices was over, and yet… I couldn’t stop her, either.”

“That’s not your fault, though,” you say immediately. Louis has already put himself through so much, blamed himself for so much—you don’t want to see this added to the list. "That's not on you."

He smiles helplessly. "Perhaps not. But all the same, I'll carry it with me as I have Kevin's death. I could say the same for you, too, however." You look down, but it doesn't stop him as he says, "It's not your fault."

"Still, I could have…" You blink away the sting in your eyes, shaking your head. "Sorry. I didn't want to bother you with this."

"After everything you've done for us, for me, what makes you think I wouldn't want to listen?" He asks, voice gentle.

You make a flippant gesture, feeling awkward. “The Successors are freed. This is the time for celebration, at least for a day. Besides,” you pause. You don’t know it is a good idea to say this, but you want to be truthful with him. “I guess… I’m jealous. You all have kept a part of your families, and I…” Immediately regret comes over you and you quickly add, “it’s stupid, I know. I shouldn’t be— _ envious _ —it’s not… right.” Louis is quiet for a long moment; long enough you start to worry you've crossed a line.

But the man is ever kind and understanding, so it shouldn't be such a surprise when he says, “You should never feel like you have to apologize for your grief. Your loss is real, and on top of everything else you’ve gone through—I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult,” he steps a little closer, gently grasping right above your elbow. “Wishing she was still here with us isn't evil—what matters is you don't let the feelings swallow you."

His hand is warm. Your gaze drops to it as you nod and try at a smile. "...And make no mistake, I'm happy for you all."

Louis smiles. "I know, and I can't thank you enough." He drops his hand, adding, "may I suggest something? You might try speaking with Coco. She knows the feeling of loss as well, and may appreciate the company today.”

You startle, then rub your face. God, that was right—the trader had lost her son years ago. Thanks to the BOR parasites, she wasn’t even sure if she had been able to see him one last time before he died. You couldn’t recall ever having any type of family yourself, yet it still pained you deeply when Coco relayed the half-memory. ...It would be nice to talk to her, possibly keep her company in the same way Louis was hoping for you, even if her hurts were years old.

“Yeah… I think I will,” you reply quietly.

Louis nods, a look of relief visible in the set of his brows. Embarrassment washes over you again and you turn to look out across the hotsprings again for lack of anything better to do. “Thank you,” you say eventually.

“It’s the least I can do,” comes the immediate response, and then, “You’re not alone in this, and I want to make it clear that I am ever here to listen. We’re friends.” You let the statement sink in. It warms you, and when you turn to look at Louis, your smile is stronger this time. Louis returns it. “Do you want to go back inside? I know Karen is dying to talk with you more—when you're ready, of course."

The thought stews for a moment. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea, but the thought that  _ everyone _ saw you leave on the verge of tears is fresh. "Soon. I need to breathe some more."

"Of course. Come back whenever you're ready." Louis leaves you, then, to give you space and honestly, you appreciate it.

It would be hard to come to terms with Io's decision. She was your attendant, yes, and it was her duty to keep you safe—not to mention fulfilling Cruz's wish became her driving desire at the end of her revenant life, but… Io was so curious, so eager to see more of the world, that… Well, you imagined she'd have a fuller life ahead of her. Still, the fact of the matter was she gave herself so everyone else in the Gaol would not only survive, but thrive. She wanted to do it and you knew she was happy for it.

You should go see the weeping tree soon. Io would appreciate the visit.


End file.
